Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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