And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
