I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You have to summon your inner elephant
She needs sedatives and a leash
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
