I'm so fucking centered right now
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Someone signed my nipple.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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