remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
