I heard we made out
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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