i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
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