I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
