I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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