I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
