there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
