love makes seman taste better
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
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We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
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Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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