i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I am puke
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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