Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I can't put those talents on a resume
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
