I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
