So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
