I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
