I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
