Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
