i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
