thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
