so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
