are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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