Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
