just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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