is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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