guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i've created a new STD.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
