Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
