We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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