I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize