So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
