I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so let's talk penis.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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