Got a toothbrush?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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