i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
