i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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