I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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