At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I cut my penus on the lid.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
