i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
