I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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