i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
