Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
