She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
