So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
