I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
