she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
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How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
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do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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