Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
