I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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