Sponge bath it is.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
