ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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