you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
