I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
