Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
