she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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