U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize