Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
