just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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