But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize