he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
