dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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