I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
