so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
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tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Send help, water and tortillas.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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