does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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