Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
