You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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