Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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