ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
