Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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