I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
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It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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