I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
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I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
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It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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