I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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