U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
