your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm jealous of your bromance
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
