yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
