you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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